Thanks to the shift in societal norms, the overall divorce rates have declined significantly in the last few decades. However, the so-called “gray divorce” rate has doubled for those over the age of 50. And for those over 60, well, it’s tripled. What is a gray divorce? Gray divorce is essentially divorce after the age of 50.
One reason for the rise in gray divorce is our increased longevity. With longer life expectancies, many are less inclined to remain in unfulfilling marriages and more hopeful about finding love again. Today’s older adults are more open to ending long-term relationships than in the past, thanks to more opportunities for connection later in life and greater financial independence—especially among women.
Many individuals now choose to cohabit or have children outside of marriage, and fewer opt to remarry after divorce or the loss of a spouse. Currently, less than half of American adults are married. Compared to even 20 years ago, modern couples maintain committed relationships without getting married. Cohabitation is increasingly common among both younger and older adults. In fact, many older, financially independent couples choose to stay in committed relationships while living in separate homes, a trend known as “living apart together.”
One interesting fact – women are more likely to initiate a gray divorce. Most common reasons women file for a “gray divorce” are similar in midlife as they are in younger years — verbal, physical, and mental abuse by a partner. Interestingly, men are more likely to remarry sooner after divorce than women.
Women seeking divorce later in life are generally in a stronger position than previous generations, or even than they themselves were earlier in life. Since 2010, all U.S. states have adopted no-fault divorce laws, allowing couples to legally separate without assigning blame, often citing reasons like “irreconcilable differences” or an “irretrievable breakdown” of the marriage. Women today also benefit from greater financial independence, higher education levels, and broader career experience compared to their mothers. As a result, many older women feel more empowered to leave unsatisfying marriages.
In contrast to the past, when women were often unable to open bank accounts or obtain credit cards independently, had limited access to higher education, and typically married and started families at younger ages, today’s older women have had more opportunities. They’ve built careers, earned their own income, and now have the freedom to choose divorce if they’re unhappy.
Although some couples delay divorce until their children are grown, staying in a high-conflict marriage can have negative effects. Research suggests that remaining in an unhealthy relationship can be more damaging to well-being than leaving. Divorce, even later in life, may be healthier not just for individuals but also for their children—many of whom express relief when their parents end constant conflict. As a result, having children is no longer as strong a reason to stay in an unhappy marriage as it once was.
Couple and family therapy rates have increased in the 2020s. The stigma of going to therapy has decreased, some may even say it is a growing trend. Research by the Association for Marriage and Family Therapy found “after receiving treatment, almost 90% of clients report an improvement in their emotional health, and nearly two-thirds report an improvement in their overall physical health. … over three-fourths of those receiving marital/couples or family therapy report an improvement in the couple relationship.” The association found more than 70% of such couples reported improved relationships.
Couples therapy can be very effective at preventing gray divorce. It is especially helpful when couples are proactive and use therapy to strengthen their relationships as opposed to seeking it in times of crisis. Those that build their communication and coping toolbelt are best prepared in the face of life’s inevitable hardships.
Perhaps you are considering a gray divorce for any number of reasons. The seasoned clinicians at the Relationship Center can help make this transition less stressful and maybe even a positive experience for both partners. Don’t wait for the AARP card to arrive in the mail.
